dirty words

Janeway has a boyfriend who malfunctions. Barclay has a life that malfunctions. Marina Sirtis collects a paycheck. Status quo here at the holodeckathalon!

( I've been hearing a lot of confessions lately... )

As anyone with enough time on their hands to watch all the holodeck episodes of Star Trek ever can tell you, boredom leads to some questionable escapist activities. Voyager not only had 75 years on its hands, it also had a crew largely comprised of misfit weirdos as well as a senior officer who was an actual hologram himself, so it's no wonder they have more than their share of holodeck episodes!

( Everyone's fallen for a holodeck character. It happens! )

Wouldn't it be awesome if someone made a Janeway/Chakotay vid to the Sinatra song French Foreign Legion? There could be all the clips of her smacking him down, and select awesome video segments from "The Killing Game"!

IT WOULD BE EFFING HILARIOUS.

Listen here on the Tube of You:
"If you turn me down again, I'll join the French Foreign Legion..."

Visualize with the aid of the pictures below:


"Just one more time, are you going to be mine? Or au revior, cherie..."


"It's the French Foreign Legion for meeeeee!"

"Shattered" is absolutely my favorite episode of Voyager EVARR. It might even be my favorite episode of TEEVEE evarrr. It is that FULL OF JOY.

Yeah, there are continuity problems and other things that Make Trek Geeks Flail And Go "But Wait!" but it's just a totally faboo episode concept. I'd love it if every show would have an episode where characters from the (beaten, broken, matured) end of the series could interact with the (naive, excitable, hopeful) characters from the beginning. Think how much that would rock on, say, The X-Files -- where this could never have been an episode, but whatev -- if 9th-season Mulder got the chance to redeem himself by going back in time and trying to save a first-season Scully, who wouldn't trust him and who is all Time Travel Is Impossible, MULDER. It would be awesome!

This could be because I love first seasons of just about everything.

So yes. Favorite episode of Voyager ever.

My family has had extensive debates on the following topic for many many years, and I would like to know where the internet stands. For the record:

[Poll #978413]

THINGS THAT ARE AWESOME:

1) Star Trek: Voyager, season 6! After the season premiere OF HOLY RAGE, it has been an entire season of gleee! I don't get it. Happy pills in the replicators? Don't know! Don't care! Photonic fleas! Am happy!

2) OMG, angel_grace sent me Jake 2.0 DVDs!!! OMG! WITH COVERS! OMG. I have been waiting for this moment for yeeeeeears. Jake 2.0 for my very own forever omg yay! This gleee is shared with the rest of my household, because now we can delete the series off our DVR and start recording Golden Girls again.

3) Good things are happening to my friends. This pleases me.

4) I spent my afternoon averting disaster with difficult buyers and charmed them to death, by alternating my "hee hee! I am a harmless secretary!" voice with my "MWAHAHA, revel in all the things I know about COMMON AIR SHAFTS and DAMPERS and FEATHERING CONCRETE!" Yes, there was rocking, and I think it's all due to this cat macro that is my computer background. (My job? Deals a lot with buyer walk-through inspections. A LOT. Every day, someone says this to me. Well, pretty much.)

5) I have a sekrit nefarious fandom plan that is SEKRIT and NEFARIOUS and making me very happy. But I can't implement it until I finish real estate school. The joy, however, continues.

6) Did I mention that Voyager is full of silly Happy Voyager-ish joy lately? Because it totally is!

Too tired to watch new 'lantis! Save for weekend, yay.

I seriously love LJ's autosave draft feature, but it makes it annoyingly evident how dramatically my moods change from one hour to the next!

So the reader's digest version of recent goings-on:

Life: I feel like things, mostly things in my head, are diligently trying to come apart. Any move I make in any direction will only make things worse, so I'm... sitting back and waiting, and coping, and praying, and watching my brain do what it does. It's lonely, and it kind of sucks, but it could be so much worse.

Religion: Sister and I have been defined at long last, and are apparently "New Agers." ( Gira And Sachi Go To The Christian Supply Store, cut for possibly offensive religious headdesking )

TV... giveth and the TV taketh away! On the giveth side, we have two happy nontrainwrecked episodes of Voyager: "Alice," in which Kate Heightmeyer looks totally and completely different though the credits assure me that it's her, and "Riddles," which is just fabulous. We segued nicely from that Star Trek: Television For Women, The Tuvok Story moment to a Lifetime movie in which the cigarette-smoking man from X-Files lurks around in alleys and smokes threateningly and then hires Daniel Jackson to fake an Irish brogue and rape a supreme court nominee. Why? I don't know, something about revenge and blackmail, I was too busy hiding under a blanket. I may never watch SG-1 again. *FEARS*

Fandom: Should use more cut-tags. I'm just saying. I was the last person on the planet to know such-and-such spoilers for next season of Atlantis, and now I KNOW, and, well, I HAVE BEEN FLAILING ALL WEEK about whether I should comment on their livejournals and ask politely and risk yelling all-caps and mockery, or filter them quietly and risk MISSING the post where they save Pierce Brosnan from a burning car wreck or just... post passive-aggressively to my own journal! *sigh*

Okay, this is complete and utter space crack. Here, allow me to get you up to speed with the following Cliffs Notes version.

Little Red: "OMG Voyager used to be SO HAPPY and then it gets all CRAZY-PANTS AND ANGSTY and altogether WTF!"
A.j.: "There should totally be an A.U. where Chakotay and the Doctor lock Janeway up for being crazy so she can get sane-"
Little Red: "AND THEY ALL LIVE HAPPILY EVER AFTER."
A.j.: "... right! And Kathy fixes Engineering things sometimes and bonds with B'Elanna!"
Little Red: "OMG YAY."

This isn't quite that A.U., but that's where the this does not actually need to suck for everyone! idea came from. Oh, and familyarchives wanted discussion of romance novels.

( Happy Voyager Project Ficlet, Attempt The First )

OMG A.j.! We should totally do a pants!verse, but ON VOYAGER, and possibly without pants.

Has anyone ever noticed that the whole plot between Janeway and Seven of Nine is very The Face On The Milk Carton?

We just watched "The Gift" -- faboo, by the way, though I WAIL A LOT AT THE END IN DESPAIR -- and really! Seven of Nine is kidnapped by the Borg as a wee girl. She is raised by the Borg. She thinks she is Borg. She is HAPPY WITH THE BORG. Then Janeway comes along and goes "YOU ARE HUMAN!" although, really, she hasn't been human since before she can remember, and I just see a lifetime movie here if you replace "Human" with "Family A" and "Borg" with "Family B."

[Poll #936043]

The latest vicodin dream:

The Voyager episode "Warlord" (read: Kes gets possessed by alien bloodthirsty warlord who can move from person to person as the hosts die) set in the Sex and the City universe.

I woke up screaming "NO, STANFORD CAN'T DIE!"

That show is scarily insidious, y0. Current wisdom-tooth setback aside, I'm actually quite pleased with my life, but my coworkers' nagging + many hours of that show when my nerves are worn down by LOTS OF PAAAAIN makes me start panicking that oh em gee, I must find a man now before I lose my pretty face and post-anorexic figure, and also, I hate my shoes. But it's so fluffy and gives me such wonderful fashion design ideas!

Anyway, I'm rationing my vicodin to keep from becoming a junkie, and am therefore in pain and bitchy (this is a VAST improvement over the "in pain and psychotically desperate" that was featured last week; I think this means I'm over the worst of it, though the second-worst still kind of sucks) and would love love love comment!spam, ficlet!spam etc to distract me. I will even try to comment!ficlet you back if I can stop rocking back and forth and whining long enough! OR JUST DO IT BECAUSE YOU LOVE ME AND I AM PATHETIC, OMG. (Family says I am a weenie because it has only been a week and a half. Doctor says I am not a weenie because infecty dry sockets are apparently The Most Painful Thing most people experience in their lifetime including childbirth, but I think she just said that to make up for the fact that she keeps telling me "just take ibuprofen!" and I'm all "I CAN'T BECAUSE I AM ALLERGIC AND WILL DIE" and she's all "Oh, right, sorry. That sucks to be you.")

By the way, not dead from that crazeh Pacific Northwest storm system that CNN has been going on about. Relatives called me in a tizzy talking about hurricane-level winds, and I was all "dude, SERIOUSLY!?" But apparently so. We live in the valleys, though, so it was a pretty sissy hurricane down here.

But yeah, it was moderately wild. No power for a few days in this area, though my immediate neighborhood was only out for a day or so. A tree almost fell on my car while I was driving!! That was exciting. Okay, I exaggerate for dramatic effect -- the tree was at the end of the block when it cracked in the wind and fell over, and moderate brake-slamming meant that there was no injury or death -- but it was still in my field of view and all. And it was a big tree. That same night, the light railway went out stranding Gira downtown, so I had to drive there and get her -- no power to the stoplights and crazy rain and PEOPLE'S PATIO FURNITURE AND ROOF SHINGLES AND TREES FLYING ALL OVER THE ROAD. (Shush, Floridians! This is new to me!) Follow-up activities included a freak hailstorm the next day that was like being inside an ice crusher (we neglected to make daquiris, though), and then a power distribution center lighting on fire and everyone who'd just gotten power back on losing it again.

In other news, Spike TV has started a Voyager marathon, All Day Every Day This Week of The Best Episodes Evar. Gira, ever the snarky one, asks, "How can they fill an entire week with 'the best episodes' of that show?" But it's been a kick watching the first season highlights this evening, because they are so CUTE and naive and we get to reminisce about crushes on Chakotay and how I looked up to Janeway (I DIDN'T KNOW YET that she was going to become completely bonkers and turn into a gibbering nutjob locked in her quarters, OKAY!?) and we watched those first season episodes so often we 1) wore down the tapes and 2) without having seen them since, can still quote most of season 1 verbatim. Enough for me to go "HEY! You cut out that line where Seska tells her she should have broken more than his nose! YOU SYNDICATED BASTARDS!"

I love early-season idealistic Voyager. LOVE EET. Love Tom as The Bad Influence and B'Elanna as the troubled teen misfit who wants Janeway's approval and Kes all fresh off the farm and Harry, like, having something to do. As always, y'all should rec or write me fic from that era of feet-finding cuteness! :)