dirty words

Kirk's choice in women continues to be deeply suspect, Janice Rand has the lamest swan song ever, and this is one hour of my life I will never get back.

( The Conscience of the King )

[Poll #1401644]

Spock begins a lifetime of mind meld floozydom in this episode, Kirk gets to first base again under an external mind-control influence, and we realize THE WHOLE SYSTEM COLLAPSES without the presence of one Yeoman Janice Rand.

(warning: image-heavy)

( Dagger of the Mind )

[Poll #1399602]

Das Boy thinks this episode didn't have nearly enough spacecrack, compared to the others. I agree that the episode is the first genuinely serious episode we've had (with the possible exception of "Where No Man Has Gone Before," even with the Spock-yelling), and by "serious" I mean "one where a large percentage of the crew does not act drunk, horny, or insane." However, there's no such thing as "not enough spacecrack" in Classic Star Trek. Nature abhors a vacuum, and when there's insufficient crack to be had, Janice Rand will always enter stage left.

( Balance of Terror: a Multimedia Recap )

Tonight was a double-header of "The Man Trap" and "The Naked Time." Given that one is an X-Files-esque monster-of-the-week episode and the other is the one where Alien Gravity Makes Everyone DRUNK, it's strange that the crew acts JUST AS BIZARRELY in both episodes.

( The Man Trap )

( The Naked Time )

[Poll #1382523]

Remember the good old days of every other Star Trek series where ships could just roam about space willy-nilly, minding their own business, doing Warp 5.8 in a 5.3 zone and the ol' NCC's wouldn't even pull them over for a sobriety test? Good times.

( Mudd's Women )

Megatrekathon blogging is back, thanks to my boyfriend's insistence that Enterprise, while hilarious, is not in as dire need of blogging as CLASSIC STAR TREK.

We finished up Enterprise on Monday, by the way, with "These Are The Voyages." Das Boy's wonderful Riker-dream-sequence fix-it notion kind of neutered the worst of the mind-rape-iness of that episode, so it felt less like Paramount had just shot my dog and more like Paramount had just broken into my apartment and intentionally unplugged my fridge while I was away for the weekend. I could even appreciate some of the good parts of the episode, because at least a few people were acting their little hearts out in an attempt to salvage a totally insulting script. So... yeah. I'm kind of tempted to write fanfic where I figure out exactly why Riker is having this historically incorrect dream. Best moment of the episode is totally when Riker freezes the program to kiss T'Pol on the cheek, and I'm all, I KNEW IT! William T. Riker does not waste time in the holodeck on programs that don't involve nookie.

But last night: the BRIGHT BRIGHT future of Classic Star Trek! We will have SHATNER FOR MONTHS, guys! :) The greatest hurdle so far in our megatrekathon for my boyfriend (greater than getting over my unabashed love for Mayweather's arms) has been deciding which order to watch the classic Trek episodes in. Airdate order? DVD order? STARDATE order? (Stardate order would require extra-dimensional math for the old series, since they sort of made them up as they went along.) He ultimately decided on filming order, did some research, and was very pleased. This means we start with the beige-velour-coutured wonder that is "Where No Man Has Gone Before," because his Complete Star Trek DVDs do not include "The Cage" anywhere in their completeness.

( WHERE NO MAN HAS GONE BEFORE... but will go again several times before the franchise is over )

Trip, T'Pol and Archer do a scene from "Carbon Creek" drunk. EPIC BRILLIANCE. I can't even handle the ending, I just died of laugh.

True Fact: I really like Enterprise. You can remind me of this when we're in the middle of Season 2 and I'm suffering through that stupid episode when Trip is stuck in an escape pod with that bitchy alien princess, but right now, I must say, my love is pure and troooooo. And Das Boy doesn't hate me yet for subjecting him to this, so that's a good thing.

"Unexpected" or "Trip Gets Knocked Up A Notch" (and other stories)

( Star Trekkin' Across the Universe... )

Hehe, why not?

Post-ep for: "Broken Bow"
Pairings: None

( The bad news... )

This brought up an interesting question about Enterprise fanfic (and fanfic in general) that has plagued the generations:

[Poll #1296026]

Quick, I need the name of a mountain in Star Trek!

I have been ignoring you all for the following reasons, some of which are better than others:
1) I'm trying to work as much overtime as possible, because my temp job is going to end soon, and while everyone has hopes of finding a position for me (which may or may not require relocation, oy), impending starvation seems kinda more likely. Fail!
2) I have scheduled every moment of my weeks to try and balance the needs of the many: boyfriend, sister, dog, work, keeping my house clean enough to avoid the breeding of cholera. Really, I get up at 5 to get to work on time, and my boyfriend meets me right after work and stays until I fall asleep, so I kind of only get to go online if I sneak my laptop into the bathroom.
3) Fortunately, the boyfriend time has involved careening through our Indoctrinate-Boyfriend-Into-Deep-Space-Nine marathon! We have three more episodes left in the whole series!

Which leads us to our next awesome adventure and rescheduling of my time, because my boyfriend says: "You should really blog this," and I said "AHAHA OH MY GOD YES."

We're going to watch all the Star Trek episodes (even animated!) and movies (even bad ones!) in Star Trek Chronological (not airdate) order. Yep. We argued a bit, because he thinks we should watch heavily time-travel based episodes in the order of when the majority of the episode takes place (i.e., starting with that Spock-and-McCoy-get-stuck-on-that-prehistoric-planet episode and ending with "Relativity" in the 29th century), but I think it's more important to fit them into the series chronology.

So! Once Deep Space Nine is over, we begin at "Broken Bow," and concede having lives for 3 years or so until we get to the delightfully depressing marathon-end of "Nemesis" and "Endgame."

The Ultimate Nerd Pilgrimage got scarily more ultimate yesterday when he downloaded every Star Trek ebook that had ever been released ever*, and suggested that I read the novels alongside the episodes, but I voted "OH HELL NO," because, you know, I'd probably also have to read those in the bathroom too, and then I'd never go online.

Any of you crazy enough (and have netflix, DVDs, or online ahemming resources) to want to watch along? (I'm looking at you, medie, havocthecat.) If my boyfriend is good on his word and lets me carve out time for compulsory blogging throughout the marathon, the rest of you are welcome to read along for:

THE JOY! (Porthos! Harry Mudd! "I am NOT a Merry Man!" THE SISKO!)
THE HORROR! (T'Pol The Vulcan Crack Whore! McCoy and Kirk talking about the waste of women officers! Every time Wesley says "Adults"! Gender Reassignment Quark! Season 6 of Voyager!)
and THE WTF! (Malcolm the Worst Spy Ever! Uhura and Nurse Chapel mutinying and taking control of the Enterprise! Troi the Intergalactic Cheerleader! Janeway the Harlequin Romance Addict!).

Oh yeah. You know you wish you were me right now. (Sister's moving out soon. I will have plenty of space for visiting Trek-crashers.)

*Once he gives them to me, I will totally share.
[Poll #1293702]