small victories

[mylittleredgirl]

Okay. So. Bad health day. *usual sicky whining goes here*

So, in response, I'm dragging out all those lovely newagesayings and other forms of rendering the world more psychologically bearable (in particular: the "playing the edge" and "being with the experience" ones). I'm calling it an experiment. I know I'm only about four feet from my bed and can flop into it and declare surrender at any point. So... I'm going to try this.

I have spent most of the day up until now trying to distract myself with livejournal from beating myself up about how it's 2 in the afternoon before I got myself through a shower (and this devolving into hysteria about all the *other* ways in which I am deeply screwed up, thank God and LJ for private entries to spare the flist). This is contrary to the joy sadhana, and generally unhelpful.

So. Emergency midday joy sadhana.

Things I Have Already Done Today:

1. Shower! Am CLEAN. Also, DRESSED.
2. Ate breakfast.
3. Had vitamins.
4. Managed to organize self to taking asthma meds three hours late. NO! I took them. This is what is important.
5. Did money transfer to pay for internet *right away*.
6. Burned data CD for dad of database for his computer is whack.

Okay. Now for the experiment part. My mother sort of gave me this idea because she tried timing all her least favourite chores last weekend, and reported that it made them into more of a game than a drag. (I come by my wackiness so honestly.) I will just... see how much I can get done. Just to see. (If the expectation is *nothing* I can't fail, right?) And observe what it feels like to do that when I feel crappy, in the hopes that distant-y observation (ooh! buzzword time: "self-observation without judgement") will keep me from getting so emotionally wrapped up in What I Can't Do that I become *less* functional than I actually am.

I will report back.

Also: general apology if this sort of thing pisses you off. I've been keeping a lot of my self-help-babbling (yes, there *is* actually MORE) private, but in this case I kind of wanted to state it somewhere that I could be accountable to it. If you'd prefer I lj-cut this kind of thing, let me know -- I won't be offended as this really is Just For Me. Hmm. Maybe I need a poll.

-- Little Red, who will now boldly go find food

Edit: 1. Worked almost an HOUR STRAIGHT on music ed research project without even checking email! Go me! Also, having great fun with my little 20-minute timer.

Comments

[liminalliz.livejournal.com]

Oh, you have given me an OUTSTANDING idea but it will delay your already delayed package. OMGZ. :loves you endlessly:

[mylittleredgirl.livejournal.com]

... I did? *rereads* Nope, still can't imagine how. (Er, unless was "journal of actual paper so does not have to spam flist"...?)

But eeeee omg pressie!! :) :) :)

Yay for having fun things to look forward to! I will surprise you with gifts on RANDOM days! Mwah ha ha.

*reciprocates endless love yay*

Phone call tonight maybe?

[liminalliz.livejournal.com]

*laughs ominously*

PHONE CALL! OMGZ. We can MAKE THIS WORK, I think. I get off work at five (that's your six, right?) and must be at choir at seven (your eight). Does that time frame work?!

[mylittleredgirl.livejournal.com]

*blinks a few times at complicated mathstuff*

Yes! That time frame is just fine for me :) (So long as you don't need the time to eat and drive and such, for I will not have you crashing into things and/or STARVING. No no. *is responsible sinful girlfriend yes*)

[liminalliz.livejournal.com]

I must eat, yes, but i can multitask eating... ?

[mylittleredgirl.livejournal.com]

Multitask eating is acceptable yay :)

(So, for real? W00t!)

[idle-dreamer.livejournal.com]

I never allow my poor readers a refuge from the babbling...half out of laziness/ignorance regarding cuts and half because y'all wanna be there for some reason. Babble away, Little Red. I will read. And read and read and read.

[mylittleredgirl.livejournal.com]

I am a big fan of using lj-cuts, for they make me feel less guilty (about posting in my OWN JOURNAL, I am so weird) and because they are cute and link-y and make me feel l33t.

But yes! We all want to be there :) And while I do skim long journal entries on days when my brain is feeling less than... brainful... I never go "OMG Sarah posts too much" or anything. For it sounds SILLY when I think about it in regards to someone else ;)

[wisdomeagle]

LOVE.

*midday gleeful hugs*

[mylittleredgirl.livejournal.com]

*gleeehugs!*

[amilyn.livejournal.com]

Can I just say that I, for one, would not at all mind if the "whiny" entries were not marked "private"? It's okay to share the frustration and misery and general ucky.

Sorry it's a sucky day.

You can tell me cranky things and I will still love you and not feel put-upon.

*hugs*

[mylittleredgirl.livejournal.com]

Awwww, thank you. *hugs* I guess I'm just realizing the difference between a livejournal and a diary -- because there's such a COMMUNITY here. Especially since my friendslist sort of *exploded* (in population, not fanwank) after Atlantis started, so anything I say is on display with people who may get the wrong impression of me because I *wouldn't* necessarily breakdownfreakout in *public* about these things.

What I really *do* want to do is post more about all my random ponderings about self-improvement / self-help ETC that I've spent so much time and thought on in real life, but I wonder if that's... both preachy (though not at all how I would intend it, but people get skittish) and unfair to throw at folk who, even if lots of them Like Me For Me now, friended me initially for FANFIC.

I'm a bit LJ-neurotic, I think!

[amilyn.livejournal.com]

So filter.

Make an "introspection" filter and let folks know that, if you know them personally or they've said they're fine with listening, that they're on it...or give folks the option to say "Naw" or "Sure" without guilt.

Then you can post and make it visible not to the I-Want-More-Fic-Bitch everyone, but to the folks who know you.

[mylittleredgirl.livejournal.com]

*nods* That really would be the best way to do it. I have long thought that filtering the fandom stuff would be the way to go, as my *real* life friends who read this blog don't all have LJ, etc, and *they'd* be the ones most interested in my introspection and such. Rrrrrrg. This is a longstanding puzzle.

Or... lj-cuts can just be my friends.

[amilyn.livejournal.com]

LJ-cuts could work.

*grin*

Love you.

[rosewildeirish.livejournal.com]

*sends love omg*

Hang in there. Good thing about bad days is, they end. OMG, they end.

And I, personally, will read what you write because I read almost everything that's put in front of me. I read cereal boxes in the morning. I read, I read, I read.

And yet I'm woefully ignorant on sooooo many things. :)

...

*sends more love & support*

[mylittleredgirl.livejournal.com]

*hugs lots darling*

I love reading cereal boxes! They are so informative! And have little PUZZLES on the back sometimes, but less so now that I'm eating boring grown-up cereals with no sugar added.

In Canada, reading cereal boxes will teach you French. Yep. Every English-Canadian kid knows how to say prize inside! and no sugar added!

[rosewildeirish.livejournal.com]

Hee. Cereal boxes, shampoo bottles, if I don't have anything to do and there's something printed in front of me...I read.

Though I've never really picked up another language, and this despite reading the "Lather, rinse, repeat" instructions in multiple languages, over and over again. I tried, took two years of Spanish, but I'm not sure the grammar section of my brain can incorporate thinking that way.

Now I can puzzle out a bit in Spanish, thanks to the vocab back then, but that's about it.

[lisayaeger.livejournal.com]

A trip to Maine would do wonders for your health :-)

[mylittleredgirl.livejournal.com]

I agree!! Hee.

*hugs*

[w0lfstar.livejournal.com]

I personally never mind your self-help type posts! Or your sad posts. It's all you, and nobody is always happy or what-not, so why should you need to be? Post whatever you want, and I will read it and not mind!

*sends love*

Re: *hugs*

[roothekittykat.livejournal.com]

I totally and completely agree.

Re: *hugs*

[mylittleredgirl.livejournal.com]

Wheeeeeee!! *bounces*

Re: *hugs*

[mylittleredgirl.livejournal.com]

YAY! *hugs you* Actually, you and the Kappafolk I am less worried about in that regard, because... well, yeah, y'all actually KNOW me, and (with you being the major exception) are probably more interested in that than my Vast And Exciting Fictional Fandom Life.

... I think I should just stop worrying about it, and people can defriend me if they get bored, and if anyone goes "OMG, LR's posting AGAIN!" they're probably on the other side of the planet anyway and I won't hear them. ;)

Are you going to Pi Day? Because we've pushed back our Weekend Of Squeee for a long time, and I suspect we're bumping right up against Pi Day.

Re: *hugs*

[w0lfstar.livejournal.com]

I don't know, those people in China can be really loud *grins*

Um. I don't know if I'm going to Pi day. *pretends to know what she's talking about and fails* Who/What/When (actually, that I'm assuming is 3/14 but close enough)/Where/Why/How? Or, in other words, is it in PVD and what exactly would it entail? I doubt I will go, but I could spontaneously change my mind at any moment! *goes into telephone booth and changes mind, runs out and into another one and changes back*

Re: *hugs*

[mylittleredgirl.livejournal.com]

Er... I'm not really sure what the deal is with Pi Day, because I wasn't invited last year. I thought I saw your name on the email list, but I must have imagined it! I'm told that it's the K'00s and K'01s who get together and rent a house for a weekend. I have no idea what it would entail! But let me email Sam Musher who seems to be organizing it and find out. (Man, I am SO SORRY if you were accidentally left off the list! I TOTALLY assumed that you were going to be there!)

Re: *hugs*

[w0lfstar.livejournal.com]

It's all good. Technically, I'm not an '00 or '01, and I'm really not sure I'd be able to make it anyway. Though we still need to find a way to get together and be geeky and midnight manic bake-y and such! It WILL happen!

Re: *hugs*

[mylittleredgirl.livejournal.com]

YES!! Definitely. :)

And I sent a missive off to Sam to find out what the story is... because I am now very SAD if I won't get to see you there! But we will have a geek weekend to make up for it!

[cleverocity.livejournal.com]

I like your self-help posts. (But you could make a poll anyway because everyone likes the clicky-clicky!)

I totally make "things done so far" lists all the time. It helps me to see them all written down. (Also I just really like lists.)

*hugs*

[mylittleredgirl.livejournal.com]

Once again, we are gleee!twins separated at birth. (Separated by several years and half a province, but, YES)

I'm soooo much more a fan of things-done lists than to-do lists. Makes me feel accomplished rather than HORRIBLY IN DEBT. And lists! Lists are grand.

And there should be polls about something. Like, daily polls, just for fun.

[msraven929.livejournal.com]

*hugs tightly*

Bad days suck. But everyone is entitled to them, so don't feel too awful about it. My bad days usually translate into bad work days. It's sad how much of my life is sucked dry by work.

I don't mind reading your "self-help" posts. Funny (sad?) but I know more about your day to day ups and downs compared to other friends who work two buildings away. The internet is a wonderful tool.

And...from a totally selfish point of view, I like being a shoulder to lean on. It's my standard role with my other friends too. :)

[mylittleredgirl.livejournal.com]

The internet is an amazing thing. Even when I lived in the same house as most of my friends, we were all on imood (http://www.imood.com) as a way of being horribly passive-aggressive knowing what each other's states of mind were.

And aww. *cuddles on raven's shoulder* Yay!

[spacefiend.livejournal.com]

*pats you gently on head*

I definitely won't throw stones at your self-help posts, seeing as that would definitely break ALL the windows on my glass house since all my most recent posts have been bitching about how much school sucks. (not to mention a decent chunk of my recent conversations) So, whine away!

(yay, cliches!)

(yay, new icon!)

[mylittleredgirl.livejournal.com]

Yay cliches indeed!! And thank you. :)