whining with a side of gleee
Feb. 11th, 2005 07:16 pm![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
mylittleredgirlFirst: GAH. Have felt sick and mono-y all day -- all the usual things plus totally sick at food and CANNOT GET WARM. All the gland-y things all over my body are all swollen again, which is a sign that my immune system if Valiantly If Ineffectively running around trying to do something, so I hope to hell I don't get really sick, at least not until after the weekend. I can't keep letting work down by calling in, and I REALLY couldn't stand it if I had to quit my babysitting-money job because I couldn't be reliable enough for it.
Today has been that vicious cycle where I feel too tired and mono-y to be productive, so I procrastinate lamely and nonproductively in the hope that I'll snap out of it, then the stuff that doesn't get done builds up and gets stressful, and stress leads to MORE sickness and lack of ability to do anything. I'm terrified of facing an 8 hour day tomorrow and then a 7 hour day the day after when feeling like this, and the fear is so counterproductive -- because I'm not really afraid of anything tangible, just what COULD happen. Ugh. Must find break in the cycle.
I don't know if 10 is really too late to go to bed -- but have been cheating and staying up until after that, and I need to break the addiction. So now, bedtime is at 9 (which means I'll have to start *thinking* about it at 8:30, and should probably set an alarm), and here's hoping I don't have to go cold turkey to get my act together with this. Once I manage to do that, I can think about adding on a few more minutes.
I'm so tired of this. I need to tell my dad I didn't finish the project I was working on for him, but he's seen me sitting at the computer most of the day (and how do I explain "oh, I was mostly just staring at blank pages because stringing actual thoughts together was too much"?), and so... yes. Once again I'm scared of things that don't actually exist in the real world yet, and are just anxious possibilities. It just takes energy to take responsibility. And I'm spending most of my energy beating myself up for stupid things (not even *this*, which isn't exactly stupid, but things like speaking-out-of-turn and posting-imperfect-fanfic and other inanities that I would really never criticize anyone ELSE for), which is the exact opposite of productive. OH! I just found out my dad's going away to Toronto for the weekend, and, as such, won't have time to care anyway. Yay for stays of execution.
And while I'm whining: I hate like hell that I am weeks behind on TV shows, because it is too much fucking mental work for me to rewind a tape and sit there and take in new information. This is fun! I love this! WHAT is going on and why do I feel like it's going to burn me out? *wills time to slow down*
And this can't be entertaining for anyone else to read, especially since I'm too zonked for coherence or editing, so, I'm sorry about that. I just needed to babble this somewhere so I could put it in perspective. I promise I will get over myself soon :)
---
And gleeeeee!!
1.![[livejournal.com profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/external/lj-userinfo.gif)
rosewildeirish's fun "anti-OTP" challenge! And her totally impressive Shep/Teyla fic.
2. And more challenge!fic --wisdomeagle writes such a very kickass Sheppard/Weir fic.
3. Tae Kwon Do mini-class with Bill, including our invented names for moves. "Funky stance with arm-wave-y thing!" 'Funky stance' is so official terminology now.
4. The internet is so very, very nice when I am feeling lame and sick, for people entertain me and that is gleeeeee.
5. Made an amusing connection between the music in a Sheppard/Weir vid and the bubble-bee game at Orisinal. My connection was actually wrong, upon further review, but was still funny.
3 things I did well:
1. Went to and stayed through TKD practice even though felt sick.
2. Made myself eat dinner so could take vitamins.
3. Declared that I'm going to bed at 9 now. RAAARGH.
Today has been that vicious cycle where I feel too tired and mono-y to be productive, so I procrastinate lamely and nonproductively in the hope that I'll snap out of it, then the stuff that doesn't get done builds up and gets stressful, and stress leads to MORE sickness and lack of ability to do anything. I'm terrified of facing an 8 hour day tomorrow and then a 7 hour day the day after when feeling like this, and the fear is so counterproductive -- because I'm not really afraid of anything tangible, just what COULD happen. Ugh. Must find break in the cycle.
I don't know if 10 is really too late to go to bed -- but have been cheating and staying up until after that, and I need to break the addiction. So now, bedtime is at 9 (which means I'll have to start *thinking* about it at 8:30, and should probably set an alarm), and here's hoping I don't have to go cold turkey to get my act together with this. Once I manage to do that, I can think about adding on a few more minutes.
I'm so tired of this. I need to tell my dad I didn't finish the project I was working on for him, but he's seen me sitting at the computer most of the day (and how do I explain "oh, I was mostly just staring at blank pages because stringing actual thoughts together was too much"?), and so... yes. Once again I'm scared of things that don't actually exist in the real world yet, and are just anxious possibilities. It just takes energy to take responsibility. And I'm spending most of my energy beating myself up for stupid things (not even *this*, which isn't exactly stupid, but things like speaking-out-of-turn and posting-imperfect-fanfic and other inanities that I would really never criticize anyone ELSE for), which is the exact opposite of productive. OH! I just found out my dad's going away to Toronto for the weekend, and, as such, won't have time to care anyway. Yay for stays of execution.
And while I'm whining: I hate like hell that I am weeks behind on TV shows, because it is too much fucking mental work for me to rewind a tape and sit there and take in new information. This is fun! I love this! WHAT is going on and why do I feel like it's going to burn me out? *wills time to slow down*
And this can't be entertaining for anyone else to read, especially since I'm too zonked for coherence or editing, so, I'm sorry about that. I just needed to babble this somewhere so I could put it in perspective. I promise I will get over myself soon :)
---
And gleeeeee!!
1.
rosewildeirish's fun "anti-OTP" challenge! And her totally impressive Shep/Teyla fic.2. And more challenge!fic --
wisdomeagle writes such a very kickass Sheppard/Weir fic.Weir is scared, and that frightens him, because she's supposed to be steady. He should be able to push and push and find a solid wall of Weir pushing back with reason and science and controlled fear, but now if he pushed, she'd crumple, and he'd have to catch her.
3. Tae Kwon Do mini-class with Bill, including our invented names for moves. "Funky stance with arm-wave-y thing!" 'Funky stance' is so official terminology now.
4. The internet is so very, very nice when I am feeling lame and sick, for people entertain me and that is gleeeeee.
5. Made an amusing connection between the music in a Sheppard/Weir vid and the bubble-bee game at Orisinal. My connection was actually wrong, upon further review, but was still funny.
3 things I did well:
1. Went to and stayed through TKD practice even though felt sick.
2. Made myself eat dinner so could take vitamins.
3. Declared that I'm going to bed at 9 now. RAAARGH.
![[identity profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/openid.png){kind=small}
no subject
Date: 2005-02-12 01:17 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2005-02-12 01:51 am (UTC)And if I'm talking to other people I can kind of look at it from the outside and say "You know what? I don't really suck. It's just a bad few weeks." Which is nice.
*loves more*
I still owe you and Jvass your Christmas present, by the way!! It's on my floor and waiting for an envelope, but I definitely must needs mail it while y'all are, you know, still living together. Hee.
no subject
Date: 2005-02-12 02:08 am (UTC)*Hugs, big time* Exactly. So do what you can, one moment to one moment, and if things get tough, find a way to devote time and energy to yourself. I know you can do it.
Once again I'm scared of things that don't actually exist in the real world yet, and are just anxious possibilities. It just takes energy to take responsibility. And I'm spending most of my energy beating myself up for stupid things (not even *this*, which isn't exactly stupid, but things like speaking-out-of-turn and posting-imperfect-fanfic and other inanities that I would really never criticize anyone ELSE for), which is the exact opposite of productive. OH! I just found out my dad's going away to Toronto for the weekend, and, as such, won't have time to care anyway. Yay for stays of execution.
Don't knock how much the stress is sapping from you. Know that it's not productive, give in to it for a set period of time, say, 10-15 minutes, then don't. stress. Your dad isn't going to stop loving you for feeling like crap and not being able to do that. I'm sure it's hard for him to walk in your shoes (or deal wit your spoons if you will), but he knows you. Knows that isn't like you. *hugs again*
Mainly, I think you need to accept that right now, some days your job is to simply get through it. To get back to a level of healthiness that allows you to do what you wish to do.
Sucks, but I think it's an admirable goals.
And, hee! Thanks for the pimpage! I love the idea of the challenge. And I loved your take on it. *will read wisdomeagle's soon*
no subject
Date: 2005-02-12 01:55 pm (UTC)The challenge, it is JOY. Mwah ha ha. I'm still waiting for all the Sam/Pete fics that will have to show up as a result...
no subject
Date: 2005-02-12 02:11 pm (UTC)Heee. Well, evalness will come of it, I'm sure. I'm hampered by not having seen s.7 and I have the feeling s.8 Pete isn't as vile as s.7.
*thinks* I guess, in SG1 A!OTPland, Sam/Teal'c is my pairing. But I have absolutely no idea how to write it.
Also? Find it incredibly amusing as Amanda Tapping is on record as having fought for that pairing.
no subject
Date: 2005-02-13 12:22 pm (UTC)Sam/Teal'c... yes. I've got a friend who's all about this, and I, like you, just. don't. get. it. I can do Teal'c/Janet, somehow, but then, Janet 'ships well with just about anyone.
Also? Find it incredibly amusing as Amanda Tapping is on record as having fought for that pairing.
NO WAY!! *laughs*
no subject
Date: 2005-02-12 02:31 am (UTC)*sends fluffy blankets and porn*
no subject
Date: 2005-02-12 01:56 pm (UTC)Yay. All is better now. :)
no subject
Date: 2005-02-12 01:56 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2005-02-12 01:58 pm (UTC)But yes. *DETERMINED.* And now there's some sort of reward involved, because if I go to bed all diligently at 9 o'clock for a few weeks, I can consider staying up later. And... um... get stickers for it, too. I am now officially five years old again!
no subject
Date: 2005-02-13 12:23 pm (UTC)Although that means I am definitely no longer five years old!
no subject
Date: 2005-02-12 03:40 am (UTC)I really hope you don't get sick. Being sick really really sucks.
goodluck with work!
no subject
Date: 2005-02-12 01:59 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2005-02-12 04:09 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2005-02-12 02:01 pm (UTC)Heeeee! Yes! You spoiled me for Stargate! *wails* And there was babbling about fireman!verse and other gleeeful things!! I suppose "commentspam with sinful lj girlfriend" is destined to be a gleeepoint every day!! :)
no subject
Date: 2005-02-12 11:33 am (UTC)Funky stance with arm-wave-y thing!" 'Funky stance' is so official terminology now.
*is curious as to which stance is funky stance.*
*can't for the life of her remember what various stances are called*
*goes to chose TKD icon, then remembers that she'd swapped it for new Sheppard/Weir one*
*decides on Sheppard/Weir icon instead*
*grins*
no subject
Date: 2005-02-12 02:04 pm (UTC)"funky stance" was a weird not-quite-ready-stance that shows up in a few later forms -- most of your weight is on the planted foot, and the other foot is like only a foot away from it and on the ball of the foot. It looks like you're moving between stances... but, no, that's apparently the completed stance. *shrugs* My old black-belt-club has been trying to remember our forms using a picture-book for guidance, and so, these things get named ;)
no subject
Date: 2005-02-12 05:11 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2005-02-13 12:23 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2005-02-14 12:08 am (UTC)*hugs*
no subject
Date: 2005-02-14 01:19 am (UTC)And have a very nice icon now. *fangirls