small victories

Yesterday was my first time in the water since I got sick again.

I swam half a mile today.

Mercury's in retrograde. I have started probably fifteen whiny self-berating introspective journal posts in the past two weeks and posted none of them.

Maybe I can't say these things here.

I'm afraid I am losing everything (everyone) through inaction. I put my most important friendships on hold because I don't want to wear them out when I have been too sick and tired and uninteresting to have anything to say, to give anything back. (Not that my friends wouldn't take me like this if I make the effort. We are bound together. I just don't want to be like this with them, don't always have to be the one they make allowances for.)

I need to find a way to give something and hope it will be enough.

I don't want to get through this, to swim until I make it to shore, and find that there is no one left.

doesn't that bring you back?

Oh my God I got high speed internet installed this morning and I was like "Weeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee!"